Remember service members’ families during holidays

Diane Samms Rush

Families of deployed military service members need special care during the holidays. In wartime, the stresses they face are greatly increased.

Several United Methodist military chaplains agree the church family can be a help and comfort. Simply keeping in touch with the family is vital, said Air National Guard Chaplain Kevin Hopkins of Russell, Kan. “They want to talk about it. They need to talk about it,” he said. Pastors and friends in the church can share the responsibility of encouraging conversation.

Don’t forget other primary members of the family: parents, grandparents, siblings, parents of spouses and others. They are worrying, too, said Navy Chaplain Robert Phillips of Norfolk, Va. Acknowledge that you realize their concerns and offer help.

Putting service members’ names on prayer lists, in newsletters and in church bulletins lets families know that the church cares. Sending the church newsletter to the one deployed helps keep him or her connected to the church. When appropriate, mention the names of those in military service during worship. Post names or pictures of deployed service personnel who are from your church or who have family connections with it.

Navy Chaplain Jennifer Bowden’s sister’s church lifted her name along with those of others in a Thanksgiving service. “Those things have a huge impact,” she said.

Most families of active-duty service members try to be with other family during the holidays. Be certain someone in the church asks about plans, Phillips said. If the family can’t get home for Thanksgiving, find someone in the church to invite them over. Make sure they get a reminder of Christmas Eve services or, even better, an invitation to join another family for worship.

“(Children) don’t understand about separation,” said retired Army National Guard Chaplain Jim Hughes of Columbia, Tenn. “You have to keep telling them about Dad or Mom.”

There is a measure of grief with a longtime separation. During the holidays it can increase, along with resentment, Hughes said. Church friends should make sure the family has plans to celebrate the holidays. If there are no plans, throw a celebration. “It may be a bittersweet holiday, but there’s still some sweetness,” Hughes said.

Early in Phillips’ career, he was on a ship for an ex-tended period of time, leaving his wife, Christy, at home with four children under the age of 5. Two or three couples in their church who had military backgrounds understood her situation and kept in contact, offering help of any sort. The ex-military wives offered babysitting so she could go grocery shopping or on other errands.

“She knew she could pick up a phone” for help, Phillips said.

Remembering that kindness, Christy Phillips and other women in their Norfolk church share weekly babysitting for the wife of a sailor who has four children under 8. For two hours every week, the wife can count on being able to do anything she wants or needs to do.

--Diane Samms Rush is a freelance writer and editor in Wichita, Kan.